Juice listeners,
The Juice podcast was at one point, inspiring to record. Until it wasn’t. Without force and on accident (but probably on purpose), The podcast — and using my voice — slipped into a creative drought for many months, searching and seeking for inspiration to strike.
And now it has. Welcome back.
Inspiration was sparked from a separate podcast recording — I was recently a guest on you/me/us/we, hosted and created by a dear friend, Alexa Brown (you can listen to it here). We spoke about the relationship we carry with our mothers, I shared my personal experience of mending a once contentious relationship with my own, and what it means to re-mother ourselves.
After listening to it, I could sense my how ungrounded I was (and maybe ignored at the time of pressing record). I was nervous, out of practice, slightly insecure of how of out of practice I had become, which made me feel out of body, and too in my own head. I didn’t listen to a few questions and give the breadth and space to share responses from heart, rather than a rehearsed head. Not judging it. Just being real with myself.
I wanted to give it another shot. Inspired to expand on the conversation — to come to the table with with more nuance and less nerves. I sat down at the kitchen counter yesterday and pressed record to give discuss the same central themes, but a more grounded perspective.
I hope you enjoy. It’s good to be back.
🧡
xM
“How do you feel about all the things we inherit — good, bad, or indifferent — from our mothers? I really thought about this question when I re-listened to the podcast.
What did I inherit?
Remothering taught me how to fiercely love and be in partnership with little Mindy (Little Moo, a lifelong nickname I sweetly still use)
What do children love to do?
They love to play. They love to have their dreams come true. They love to believe in miracles and magic. They love to be devoted to their creative energy and imagination. They love to be curious. They love to not judge. They love to ask questions. They love to receive help. They love to laugh.
The more in touch I am with Little Moo, the more I was able to not only love adult self deeper, but also love my mother deeper too.
We are born into families who don't quite know how to love us the way we wish to be loved — then we get into relationships, friendships…partnerships of all kinds, seeking the same.
And until you can give it to yourself — whether that is love, satisfaction, joy, recognition, validation, kindness, care — until you can give any of that to yourself, only then you are able to receive the purity of it. The wholeness of it.
For most of my life I thought I had to earn my mom's (and anyone else’s) love by overdoing, overextending myself, reaching for more — to be more, have more, do more. That who I was, what I had, and what I was up to wasn’t enough.
So I acted like I had it all together, all the time. I never rested. I never put myself first. I never slowed down. Enjoyed little, played less. Rarely asked for help. Couldn’t define my needs. I didn’t know how.
I thought I had to earn the first place trophy before I could receive enjoyment, care, and support of any kind. Until I realized that first place doesn’t exist, but self-love and self-respect do…which are learned, not inherited. Not because we have to earn them, but because somewhere in our lineage, we forgot we deserved them.
Listen:
listen to Alexa Brown’s me/you/us/we Podcast
Learn:
Like A Mother: Depth Work for Mothering The Self
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